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March 28, 2013

Dear readers,

My heart feels so down. Our new apartment is so quiet and dark, if it weren’t surrounded by overlooking view of the sky, our neighbor’s human-sized dogs bark from time to time, and the sound of the birds chirping and people passing by, I don’t know anymore. An hour ago our apartment was very colorful, full of laughter and happy faces. Talking and laughing like we don’t carry big problems. I am very sad and at the same time happy. To realize how blessed our family from having family friends that would stick to you in good times and especially, in your darkest times when you think any miracle won’t solve it. I am happy to meet these wonderful people that up until now they never cease to support us financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I bet you’re wondering about the most “darkest times”. The story that I’m about to share is very long, very dramatic, very emotional and very teleserye-like yet it may as well move your heart. This is a story of love, faith, friends, family and how they are going to move the whole world.

Mother.

When you heard about that word you would probably think of it as “ilaw ng tahanan” “most difficult job” “the most of the most among the most thing in the universe” yet it is also “the most fulfilling job” of all. Yes, we all have that sort kind of mom and my mother has never been different about all of these things, in fact, she is more than that.

She is…

She is a loving, caring and very supportive daughter.

She is very well-liked person wherever she goes.

She is talented and well-known singer in the town.

She is famous to every generation.

She is a right-handed.

She always emptied her left hand and lends it to a family, a friend, a stranger, a somebody when they need it more than she does.

Sometimes she offered her right hand, her right foot or her left foot and if it is still not enough 

A mother of three children, a wife, a daughter, your mortal enemy now but a little later, your best friend. I can’t tell you enough of my mother because words can’t possibly describe her. So I’ll just share to you our story. (Sorry for the long intro)

There was an outbreak of dengue fever when I was very little in siargao and all over the Philippines. Of course, there was no escape for us three from those female anopheles mosquitoes, my hate-est of all sporozoan. My kuya 4 years old; ate 3 yrs old; and I am 0 year old; my father, an OFW. My mother being both our papa and mama at that moment, she carried us to the nearest hospital in Siargao, Siargao District Hospital to Caraga Hospital in Surigao City to Chung Hua Hospital in Cebu City, along by herself. My mother told us that we were bleeding altogether inside the ICU. All three of us were in critical stage. My mother having no person to cry on, to talk on was about to gave up. But she bears and laughed at those moments. However, she said, she was really thinking of committing suicide. That if there will be a very unfortunate thing that would happen to us, she will jump off the window in that very building. Instead, she kept herself busy. Praying and asking the Lord God Almighty that she will offer her life to him and she will commit herself on serving the church forever, in exchange of saving us. And He did.

We were decently raised by her. Fearless (even fought with each other, all-freaking-time); Loving (I always have fever when she’s not around like when she worked at Siargao District Hospital because of politics she was transferred to a far island, Loreto. It would take you a day or two to reach that place with no other means of transportation but only by boat. I was kindergarten that time until grade 1, when she decided to quit her job and find another one because she had no time to take care of me having only been visited us once or two days a month by her. One month per year by father. We were “laking lolo’t lola” or were raised by our grandparents, especially me. There was a moment on her teen days when she took another exam not particularly related to her course, commerce, and passed it. And it was her job up till now.)

For 10 consecutive days, from year 2001-2010, she also had consecutive promotion and later became Principal, of course, she also took undergrad course. She took her masteral in University of Southern Philippines. That time, I had a psychological problem, so to savor the moment of staying in Cebu City per month, she took her masteral. During the hospital visits, I was found out to have a small damage on my left brain. I forgot what it is called. I only remember seeing mentally challenged little kids. I may be one of them a little, but Thanks God, I am far way normal than them. At least, that’s what I think. My only problem is my leg during bed time and when I’ll be so angry during the day, I can’t control myself ( I can, actually) having this leg syndrome that kept us both from having a sound sleep. I share the bed with my mom. I am not sure if the leg syndrome was just pure acting. HAHA! There was this instance when my psychiatrist ordered us to have an EEG to be able to know the activity inside my brain when I am sleeping. When we were in the laboratory, they gave me pills! Sleeping pills to keep me asleep! Poor them I was awake the whole time. I just pretended to sleep so as not to offend them that their pill doesn’t work. I kept my eyes shut even though I badly need to open it. Purely because, pretending to close your eyes for about an hour is really a pain in the ass! (LOL sorry, I mean eyelids). I didn’t even care to know if they found it. Why? Because when they instruct me that the procedure is done - the whole un-taping tapes with attached wires on your head. It doesn’t hurt; it’s just ‘cold’. I immediately got to my feet and leave. What a mess. I didn’t tell mom about it. Not even a clue.

So,so. After that, we were just happy. Living an ordinary life. Helping out relatives, family, family friends, strangers, friends, friends of friends. No more ending helping a hand. My kuya graduated and he ‘accidentally’ had a baby girl (I never met them, only my mama and ate). My father wasn’t able to visit us because he presented himself as a witness of a-billion-dollar money account at stake. He worked as an Electrical Engineering at Doha, Qatar when he found out that the materials given to them do not coincide to the issued itemized account expenses of the company. In short, there was a scam. The company holds him for 5 years as witness until the case is solved. It was a long blue years. I wonder if my father ever regretted presenting himself as a witness in exchange of not ever seeing us for five years.

I was in First Year College when we saw him again personally for a month. Of course, we always keep in touch with him thru internet. Here comes Second Year College – 1^st semester, he had a chance again to have his vacation. That was the HAPPIEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE. We were a complete happy family again. I made a blog on it here. In that post, we also celebrated my parents’ anniversary and some typical family stuff. Thirty-six days full of memories.

Here comes December of 2012. Our Christmas Vacation you can read it here. I forced mother to spend the vacation in our island. Her Original plan was to spend our Christmas Vacation on our little apartment in Cebu City together with ate Barbie’s family. If I only had known the outcome of my selfish desire, I would have agreed to her. The situation would be a lot more different. If only I agreed, we must have known her health condition. She and ate Barbie planned to have a check-up. But I only think of myself. I think it’s also the reason why our Christmas Vacation was much delayed. If only I listened, things shouldn’t be this worst. If only, I wasn’t so jealous of my friends spending Christmas in our hometown. This is all because of me.

January 6, 2013 - After a very happy New Year’s break with all the letchon and name-it-all food, we were booked to go back in Cebu City. As always my mother accompanied us on the way to Surigao. We had our dinner at ate Barbie’s house. It’s like having a picnic under the moon and stars and night sky. I remember, she was very happy and we were also happy.

Our boarding time at 7:00 PM, together with ate Barbie’s children; Ate kai-kai, Kuya nels, Kuya roel, J-boy; ate Barbie herself, Kuya, Ate and Mama, we rode a tricycle to the pier. We hugged, we kissed and we parted good-byes’. I was about to enter when suddenly I can’t bear to leave my mother behind, so I looked at her intently, run towards her direction and hugged her, one last time before boarding, really hard, really tight.

“I love you ma!” I said in my mind while hugging her. “I ‘m going to miss you”, I said again in my mind, like I always did. She hugged me back so tight I can’t breathe. Then as if she heard me said those words inside my mind she responded, “Sus, bagan man di na ta magkita, ini na bata bagan kuman pa man nagkalagjo” still hugging me tightly. I drifted away when they began to tease me. So I let go, walk away and never look back. 

That was the last time she hugged, kissed, saw and recognized me.

A few days later, I was a bit busy with school stuff. I think it was Wednesday when my mother called and I was upset for no reason. She called me many times; I answered a few calls but didn’t speak a word. I was just listening for her rants. It was sort of really annoying. She asked me why am I so ‘maldita’ and why I didn’t called or texted my father. She was really upset because my father was also very upset with us, including her. Mainly because of the not-texting-calling-chatting him reason. I took that calls for granted. My mother still called me again and again, I answered it but never spoken a word again and again, until she became more upset and annoying than before and I was being a jerk, I cut off the line again and again. And the whole scenario repeated again and again. She finally called angie and asked her why I didn’t answer her calls. She handed the phone to me. This time I didn’t cut off the line, I just listen to every single dingle berries she is saying. And then she finally lose it, “Klawdin uman di man kaw mutingog?! &^%$ &^9  *&% &^&^(  &^$%^(#@#!$ man galling kaw na bata kaw. @#$@$#@$#4%$@#! Ton imu ama didto. Way mga batasan na mga bata ini!”, the line ended.

That was the last time she spoke to me. The last time I heard her talking.

(to be continued...)