March 28, 2013
Dear readers,
My heart feels
so down. Our new apartment is so quiet and dark, if it weren’t surrounded by
overlooking view of the sky, our neighbor’s human-sized dogs bark from time to
time, and the sound of the birds chirping and people passing by, I don’t know
anymore. An hour ago our apartment was very colorful, full of laughter and
happy faces. Talking and laughing like we don’t carry big problems. I am very
sad and at the same time happy. To realize how blessed our family from having
family friends that would stick to you in good times and especially, in your
darkest times when you think any miracle won’t solve it. I am happy to meet
these wonderful people that up until now they never cease to support us
financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I bet you’re
wondering about the most “darkest times”. The story that I’m about to share is
very long, very dramatic, very emotional and very teleserye-like yet it may as
well move your heart. This is a story of love, faith, friends, family and how
they are going to move the whole world.
Mother.
When you heard
about that word you would probably think of it as “ilaw ng tahanan” “most
difficult job” “the most of the most among the most thing in the universe” yet
it is also “the most fulfilling job” of all. Yes, we all have that sort kind of
mom and my mother has never been different about all of these things, in fact,
she is more than that.
She is…
She is a loving, caring and very supportive daughter.
She is very well-liked person wherever she goes.
She is talented and well-known singer in the town.
She is famous to every generation.
She is a right-handed.
She always emptied her left hand and lends it to a family, a friend, a stranger, a somebody when they need it more than she does.
A mother of
three children, a wife, a daughter, your mortal enemy now but a little later,
your best friend. I can’t tell you enough of my mother because words can’t possibly
describe her. So I’ll just share to you our story. (Sorry for the long intro)
There was an
outbreak of dengue fever when I was very little in siargao and all over the Philippines.
Of course, there was no escape for us three from those female anopheles mosquitoes,
my hate-est of all sporozoan. My kuya 4 years old; ate 3 yrs old; and I am 0
year old; my father, an OFW. My mother being both our papa and mama at that
moment, she carried us to the nearest hospital in Siargao, Siargao District
Hospital to Caraga Hospital in Surigao City to Chung Hua Hospital in Cebu City,
along by herself. My mother told us that we were bleeding altogether inside the
ICU. All three of us were in critical stage. My mother having no person to cry
on, to talk on was about to gave up. But she bears and laughed at those
moments. However, she said, she was really thinking of committing suicide. That
if there will be a very unfortunate thing that would happen to us, she will
jump off the window in that very building. Instead, she kept herself busy.
Praying and asking the Lord God Almighty that she will offer her life to him
and she will commit herself on serving the church forever, in exchange of
saving us. And He did.
We were decently
raised by her. Fearless (even fought with each other, all-freaking-time);
Loving (I always have fever when she’s not around like when she worked at
Siargao District Hospital because of politics she was transferred to a far
island, Loreto. It would take you a day or two to reach that place with no
other means of transportation but only by boat. I was kindergarten that time
until grade 1, when she decided to quit her job and find another one because
she had no time to take care of me having only been visited us once or two days
a month by her. One month per year by father. We were “laking lolo’t lola” or
were raised by our grandparents, especially me. There was a moment on her teen
days when she took another exam not particularly related to her course,
commerce, and passed it. And it was her job up till now.)
For 10
consecutive days, from year 2001-2010, she also had consecutive promotion and
later became Principal, of course, she also took undergrad course. She took her
masteral in University of Southern Philippines. That time, I had a
psychological problem, so to savor the moment of staying in Cebu City per month,
she took her masteral. During the hospital visits, I was found out to have a
small damage on my left brain. I forgot what it is called. I only remember
seeing mentally challenged little kids. I may be one of them a little, but Thanks
God, I am far way normal than them. At least, that’s what I think. My only
problem is my leg during bed time and when I’ll be so angry during the day, I
can’t control myself ( I can, actually) having this leg syndrome that kept us
both from having a sound sleep. I share the bed with my mom. I am not sure if
the leg syndrome was just pure acting. HAHA! There was this instance when my
psychiatrist ordered us to have an EEG to be able to know the activity inside
my brain when I am sleeping. When we were in the laboratory, they gave me
pills! Sleeping pills to keep me asleep! Poor them I was awake the whole time.
I just pretended to sleep so as not to offend them that their pill doesn’t
work. I kept my eyes shut even though I badly need to open it. Purely because,
pretending to close your eyes for about an hour is really a pain in the ass!
(LOL sorry, I mean eyelids). I didn’t even care to know if they found it. Why? Because
when they instruct me that the procedure is done - the whole un-taping tapes
with attached wires on your head. It doesn’t hurt; it’s just ‘cold’. I
immediately got to my feet and leave. What a mess. I didn’t tell mom about it.
Not even a clue.
So,so. After that,
we were just happy. Living an ordinary life. Helping out relatives, family,
family friends, strangers, friends, friends of friends. No more ending helping
a hand. My kuya graduated and he ‘accidentally’ had a baby girl (I never met
them, only my mama and ate). My father wasn’t able to visit us
because he presented himself as a witness of a-billion-dollar money account at
stake. He worked as an Electrical Engineering at Doha, Qatar when he found out
that the materials given to them do not coincide to the issued itemized account
expenses of the company. In short, there was a scam. The company holds him for
5 years as witness until the case is solved. It was a long blue years. I wonder
if my father ever regretted presenting himself as a witness in exchange of not
ever seeing us for five years.
I was in First Year College when we saw him again personally for a month. Of course, we always keep in touch with him thru internet. Here comes Second Year College – 1st semester, he had a chance again to have his vacation. That was the HAPPIEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE. We were a complete happy family again. I made a blog on it here. In that post, we also celebrated my parents’ anniversary and some typical family stuff. Thirty-six days full of memories.
I was in First Year College when we saw him again personally for a month. Of course, we always keep in touch with him thru internet. Here comes Second Year College – 1st semester, he had a chance again to have his vacation. That was the HAPPIEST MOMENT IN MY LIFE. We were a complete happy family again. I made a blog on it here. In that post, we also celebrated my parents’ anniversary and some typical family stuff. Thirty-six days full of memories.
Here comes
December of 2012. Our Christmas Vacation you can read it here. I forced mother
to spend the vacation in our island. Her Original plan was to spend our
Christmas Vacation on our little apartment in Cebu City together with ate
Barbie’s family. If I only had known the outcome of my selfish desire, I would
have agreed to her. The situation would be a lot more different. If only I
agreed, we must have known her health condition. She and ate Barbie planned to
have a check-up. But I only think of myself. I think it’s also the reason why
our Christmas Vacation was much delayed. If only I listened, things shouldn’t
be this worst. If only, I wasn’t so jealous of my friends spending Christmas in
our hometown. This is all because of me.
January 6,
2013 - After a very happy New Year’s break with all the letchon and name-it-all
food, we were booked to go back in Cebu City. As always my mother accompanied
us on the way to Surigao. We had our dinner at ate Barbie’s house. It’s like
having a picnic under the moon and stars and night sky. I remember, she was
very happy and we were also happy.
Our
boarding time at 7:00 PM, together with ate Barbie’s children; Ate kai-kai,
Kuya nels, Kuya roel, J-boy; ate Barbie herself, Kuya, Ate and Mama, we rode a
tricycle to the pier. We hugged, we kissed and we parted good-byes’. I was
about to enter when suddenly I can’t bear to leave my mother behind, so I
looked at her intently, run towards her direction and hugged her, one last time
before boarding, really hard, really tight.
“I love you
ma!” I said in my mind while hugging her. “I ‘m going to miss you”, I said
again in my mind, like I always did. She hugged me back so tight I can’t
breathe. Then as if she heard me said those words inside my mind she responded,
“Sus, bagan man di na ta magkita, ini na bata bagan kuman pa man nagkalagjo”
still hugging me tightly. I drifted away when they began to tease me. So I let
go, walk away and never look back.
That was the last time she hugged, kissed,
saw and recognized me.
A few days
later, I was a bit busy with school stuff. I think it was Wednesday when my
mother called and I was upset for no reason. She called me many times; I
answered a few calls but didn’t speak a word. I was just listening for her
rants. It was sort of really annoying. She asked me why am I so ‘maldita’ and
why I didn’t called or texted my father. She was really upset because my father
was also very upset with us, including her. Mainly because of the
not-texting-calling-chatting him reason. I took that calls for granted. My
mother still called me again and again, I answered it but never spoken a word
again and again, until she became more upset and annoying than before and I was
being a jerk, I cut off the line again and again. And the whole scenario
repeated again and again. She finally called angie and asked her why I didn’t
answer her calls. She handed the phone to me. This time I didn’t cut off the
line, I just listen to every single dingle berries she is saying. And then she
finally lose it, “Klawdin uman di man kaw mutingog?! &^%$ &^9 *&% &^&^( &^$%^(#@#!$ man galling kaw na bata kaw.
@#$@$#@$#4%$@#! Ton imu ama didto. Way mga batasan na mga bata ini!”, the line
ended.
That was
the last time she spoke to me. The last time I heard her talking.
(to be continued...)